Monday, May 22, 2006


Alas, no pics this time. Yes, I've done some stuff, I've just been too lazy to take pics (and one of the things was a standard diaper cover anyway). I'm not working anymore so I don't really have any excuses. No, I didn't get fired and I didn't quit, it's just that being a temp has this risk...the risk of finishing all of the work and getting found out. I'm sorry, I can't turn it off. I'm either working at maximum, or near-maximum efficiency, or I'm not working. So all the important work was done, the back-burner work too...heck, even the oubliette "we tried to forget it existed" work was completed.

It was nice making an income though.

The rosebush my sweet husband bought me for V-day finally bloomed. It only barely smells like honeysuckle, it mostly just smells overpoweringly rose-musky, and the flowers have thrips. I like the form of the flower but I would have probably picked a different color (it's white) if I had known that "strong honeysuckle fragrance" actually meant "overpowering rose fragrance with slight hint of honeysuckle if you stand across the room from it". I never knew they were thrips before, I had to look up pests on Google to find out what it was. I've seen these creepy bugs on other plants. They've always freaked me out; they're so small you don't see them until you've already trimmed the flower and brought it in and then you look down and think "oh my god there're THINGS in my flower! Eww! Eww!" Of course I did my research, this rosebush is very resistant to the fungal diseases that roses in our area are so vulnerable to getting. And thank goodness too, we've gotten a ton of rain all in one month. I'm really beginning to wonder if we're going to get an entire year's worth of rain all in May.

I've been bummed for a little while, but I don't think it was the job because that was a few weeks ago. Well, maybe in a way. We need for me to be employed but this experience has only driven home the fact that I really don't like working. I like money, and I don't mind working to get it, but it just feels like there isn't any job (that I can get) that will both satisfy me and pay sufficiently. I work best when I feel needed, and it would be great to actually have a job where I felt like I was working somewhere near my potential as well. And I hate applying for jobs. Even when I apply for one that I know I'm truly qualified for nothing happens. If you don't know someone it's like you're wasting your time and I despise going to that much trouble that I could have spent on something productive only to be left wondering..."Did a human being ever even read my resume???"

Oh, yeah, and so I keep trying to think of what I would really want to do. I think I would want to farm, small-scale anyway. Get me some of that naturally-colored cotton, some fiber animals, plant some produce, do some spinning. But I have ZERO experience with this sort of thing. And honestly the really hot weather has always driven me inside.

I am in the weird place. That annoying Dr. Seuss book comes to mind. No, not the good ones, not cat in the hat or green eggs & ham or stars upon thars. It's the one people give you when you graduate, that tries to talk about life or some rubbish. He talks about the "waiting place" in it, probably the single most depressing thing I have ever seen in a Dr. Seuss book, and I feel like I'm there. (Just a note, the single most depressing thing in a Dr. Seuss book is not, overall, too terribly depressing. Just so you know. But it still sucks).

I'm not depressed, I'm not! But this is a mopey post. I'm very sorry. Gotta remember to take some pics.



Shadmere said...

That is a mopey post. Considering I'm working at a Pizza Hut, I think I can somewhat understand where you're coming from. Though since I still don't have my degree, and am working towards that, at least I feel like I'm going 'forward.' Applying for jobs sucks for the first little while, in my experience, then you kinda get used to it. As in, you get better at it. When a resume only takes about five minutes to 'customize' to a new job opportunity, you feel less like you're wasting giant amounts of time.

Your rosebush sounds pretty, though I'm sorry you don't like the smell so much. Do you just not like the smell of roses? And thrips are creepy things; have you had any luck in getting rid of them somehow?

Lystessa said...

Well, I like rose smell but not the really musky smell so much. Some roses smell more citrus-y and I really like those. I cut off all the buds that were left (they looked like they had been thripped) and there wasn't any other new growth on the rose at hopefully that got rid of them. They prefer the tender new growth.

Greylin said...

"oh, the places you'll go." yep.

Apotropos said...

Working sucks and money is good. I think the rich have figured out the best formula for it. low work = High Money. For the rest of us the equation is in the opposite direction. Ho-hum. Oh, you guys should go see the movie "Proof" if you can, it's pretty interesting, although kinda dorky, but the acting is brilliant. Its about being a math geek.

Hope you find something you love!